PRISON BLOG 40

And speaking of Guy Fawkes

Have you noticed an increase in the politicization of this year’s fireworks? I mean, the names in particular. There was one called the ‘Call to duty” and several others that seemed to be overtly militaristic, even American. So, you may be interested in some of the fireworks rumoured to be made in Pakistan recently:

Turia Towers: This comes as a pair of Roman candles that looks like the World Trade Centre with fuses that are plastic aircraft three-quarters the way up the stick. You’re supposed to light one just after the other for full effect. Collapses in huge ashen cloud after burst of flames.

American Patrol: (Also rumoured to be part of the “Bin Laden Bag” AKA “The Al Queda Party Pack”). This one has a line of humvees along it and the instructions say it should be put in a rubbish can immediately after igniting fuse.

Mason’s Eye: This Catherine wheel is shaped like a pentagon which when it spins creates a triangle. The official version has a aircraft fuse also, but unofficial one has what looks like a missile as a wick.

Hell’s Handmaiden: The most popular Catherine wheel sold in the Middle East for the last few years has a Star of David shape and spurts out red, white and blue – same thing sold in US and Israel as “Brother’s in Arms.”

Satan’s Spawn: A very large Roman candle with “Haliburton” on side, shaped like an oil well – once lit it oozes thick oil and burn very dirty for a very long time. For a very over-priced firwork you can’t get a guarantee on it and comes with a warning “May explode unexpectedly in face”. Breathing fumes in will cause bitter taste in mouth. Marketed in USA as “Liberation Day.”

Long Dong III: Rumoured to be a giant sky rocket from a North Korean manufacturer using Chinese techniques – it costs so much you’ll probably have no money left for anything else. It has a potential to end in a mushroom cloud; although all anyone has heard of it is just that it makes a lot of very shrill sounds. Instructions include, “Please fire over Japanese neighbour”(?).

DON’T FORGET Tim’s Book and magazine collection for the Prison Library, please send your books and magazines to:
Tim Selwyn
Librarian/Unit 7
Hawkes Bay Prison
Private Bag 1600
Napier, NZ

Tim Selwyn (Editor of Tumeke!)
PRN 60477981
Hawkes Bay Prison
Currently appealing sedition conviction